Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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