Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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