mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
