Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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