he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
