You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
