I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He? As in you personified your dick?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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