I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
