please come you make the beer taste better
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
