If i come over, it means nothing
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
