I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
