I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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