you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
