Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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