If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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