This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
