Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
