i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
