what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I want to fling myself into the sun
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
