remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
