HIV tests are more positive than that guy
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
