Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
