i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
