cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
