Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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