my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
