ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
