I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
