You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
