they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
