Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
