She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
