how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
