While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
