dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
