Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
