I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Drunk is not a location!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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