I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
