Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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