Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
