Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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