Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
