I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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