The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
