return my video game
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
