i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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