Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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