I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
