Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
