Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
