i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
