remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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