We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You can't special order awesome
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
